If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
