She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
