i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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