so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
