How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
