remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
