I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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