I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Be still, my beating vagina.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
