So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
do nipples grow back?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
