yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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