Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
