Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
