dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
