I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
