Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
