took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
