I can tuck mytits in my pants
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
