I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Still dying that you shit outside
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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