i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
