thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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