spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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