im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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