Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
