hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
this hospital has no fireball
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
