god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
