WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
