it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
