i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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