I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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