you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
