God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
