Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
false alarm, still single
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
