Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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