If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
