i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
