dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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