There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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