And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
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