at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
