Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.

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(440): View more from Ohio

why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.

(1-440): View more from Ohio

you have got to be kidding?

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(214): View more from Texas

I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.

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(818): View more from California

I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.

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(415): View more from California

She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.

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(818): View more from California

he made a bald eagle out of coke lines

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(607): View more from New York

Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.

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(727): View more from Florida

You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???

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