Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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