Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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