I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
