My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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