my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
