i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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