What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
