I puked a lego.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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