you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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