I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
