A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
