meet me or not, i'm out of control
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
