The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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